2012 in Review...

I have decided to try to stay up on my scrapbooking this year. Actually this is one of my New Year's Resolutions. I have decided to let go of the traditional 'scrapbooking' way and use the Project Life or Project 365 way. I will still create pages to suit those events that are special to me...but my everyday pics that I feel I need to scrap will be scrapped using this quick and easy method. :) ....and with my schedule....quick and easy is GOOD!!

I will be doing monthly speads....there is NO way I could do weekly or daily stuff.I will showcase the month highlights here...and those events will make my montly layouts. Of course birthday, holidays and such will hold there own merit in those months too. :)

For this post...I want to reflect back on 2012...where I have came from and where I am going.

WOW....2012 really did fly by. I am not sure why it seemed like the fastest year yet of my life...but it was. Maybe it was becuz I turned 35....or Chelsea turning 18....or maybe the fact that Chelsea graduated from highschool....yes HIGHSCHOOL....or the fact that Kaitlyn walked across the street and is now in middle school....:( ....There have been plenty of event for this year that make it sad...happy and a big part of changing my life.

Keith and I were 'officially' divorced in Jan. That one was really hard to swallow...but I did it nonetheless. I was so pre-occupied with trying to get Chelsea thru her Senior year....that I was able to postpone the tears till the summer....(more on that later).

Chelsea turned 18 on Feb 3rd and I turned 35 on the 5th. We celebrated together...just cake at home with the kids. She and I went out to eat...and I took her to play Lazer tag. :) This year and part of last year....has really been a struggle for her...with school, her family in Texas....and yes even she and I at times. She wanted to quit school....and I tried all avenues to show her the way...but ultimately it was decision...she would be 18 and I couldnt stop her. I spent countless hours on the phone looking for an alternitive to her going to traditional high school. We spent days talking to her councelor at school (not too helpful)...looking for ways to get her through these last few months....she only needed 1.5 credits. Well the day came...and she decided to finish. I have never been so proud of her in all my life. I know the challenges she faced and how easy it was to walk away....but she stood tall and decided to face them. Daddy would have been SOOOO proud of her. :) I know he was smiling in heaven on that day. I also am thankful that God brought her and Chris together....because he was a big driving force for her to continue to. I started working full time in home health at teh end of Jan. Its alot more flexible....

March was pretty wild trying to help Chelsea get her senior project done. It was CRAZY stupid. She had came to work with me in Jan...so she could see hands on what I did on a daily basis....and be able to explain her "career choice" to the judges. The kids and I went to Bouque Chitto State Park in March and went camping. Chelsea did care to go...so she stayed home. The kids had a blast. It was last minute...but we enjoyed just being out in the open in the nice air.

In April we were still working on Chelsea's presentation for her Sr project. Keith and I are swapping kids a week each. Chelsea decided to not go to prom...she said it just wasnt her :) Graduation is May 14th....oh we are so close!! :) Kids attended petting zoo and carnival for Kids Week. Same ole stuff just different year.

Kase turned 9 on May 5th. He had a pokemon party at the house. I rented a slip~n~dip and he invited several friends over for the day. Noah got to stay the night for his first ever sleep over. Mayfest was fun...kids loved it. It was bitter sweet for Kaitlyn because it was her last. :( Chelsea graduated on May 14th. We spent the day picking out her clothes, taking senior pics....and getting ready for 7pm. I did her make-up...that is a memorie I will treasure....LOL Chris drove to come see her walk...it was so sweet. We ate at Cracker Barrel after graduation. Chelsea decided to go back to Texas after we ate with Chris. I hated to see her go. It was so bitter sweet to see her leave. I had to keep telling myself that I had 3 things to do....raise her with morals, get her to age 18, and watch her graduate.....:) I was able to complete all these....so it was time to let her go....

Kaitlyn turned 10 in June. I rented the slip~n~dip again for her party. She had a Luau party and had 5 girls sleepover. Boy was THAT fun. LOL I was so ready to pull my hair out. LOL KK hadnt that Chelsea missed it. I went to go get pizza for the girls...and when I got back in my car on Monday to go to work....my A/C had went out. oh well...at least it still runs...so I can't complain. I have been working with a staffing agency to pick up extra shifts. Its nice to get instant money...:) July was fun...the kids and I popped fireworks at the house. I didnt have the money to go back to Texas...or a big vacation...so we had a mini staycation. I took the kids to play Lazer Tag at Safari Quest and they ended up getting a game for free :) The kids each had 5 dollars to play games with...and Coby struck 500 tickets on Frogger. We then went to bowl. I had coupons for each of the kids to bowl 2 games. Kaitlyn won the first and Coby won the second game. They werent too interested in the bowling....cant say I blame them...LOL I was never really a bowler either. :0

We went to Yogi Bear in August....right after school started. I had bought passess off groupon (love this site) and got us 4 passes for $30 bucks....regualar price was $80...gotta love those deals!! We only spent the day...but that was plenty. I met Amy for drinks and supper after we went to Yogi....she had found out that she will never be able to have a child 'normally'. I feel so bad for her...all she has wanted was to have a child of her own. Just doesnt seem fair sometimes. School started back...KK went to 5th...the big middle schooler....she has Mrs. Hart as her homeroom. She has joined band and 4H. Kase is in 4th...in the advanced class with Mrs. Williams. Coby wen to 3rd with Mrs. Populis. Coby turned 8 on the 28th. He decided to have his party at the Spaceport in Mandeville. It was wayyy to hot to have it at home. He had a special guest come visit hime....Darth Vader!!

I started as Cubmaster this year with scouts....not sure what to expect...but there was no one else to step up. September brought us another Hurricane...Hurricane Issac. Kids were with Keith for the actually storm...so I stayed here and rode it out. I was suprised...I didnt feel must of the brunt of the storm...this house is solid. I could hear stuff being pulled off the house...but felt safe. I had been having pains in my right eye since the weekend. I woke up tuesday and could barely see. Come wednesday during the 'calm' of the storm...I had to drive myself to the ER and get something for the pain. I ended up going to Lallie Kemp...since it was the closet. I was in and out in like 30 minutes...that really must be a record for them....guess the best time to go to that hospital is in the middle of a hurricane...LOL The storm had cleared on Thursday...so I ventured to check on kids since phones were out. The creeks were flooded...even Cooper Creek. I had to go down Landfill rd...go up to Hwy 16 and back down cooper to get to the kids. The wanted to come back with me....so I brought them home...it was much better for them...since I could open all the windows and they could play in the house...it was just too hot outside. I took them back about 4:30 on Friday....and when I got home...my lights were back on. I offered for them to come stay since I had lights...but they wanted to stay there. I had them take 'cowboy' baths when it rained....and the water was heavy coming down...I sent them outside with soap and they took baths. Everytime it rained after that...Coby wanted to take a cowboy bath....LOL Kaitlyn had her first middle school dance. I did her nails and makeup....and I went and chaperoned with some other moms. She had a blast. Not sure I am ready for this next chapter...

October was filled with scouting activities. We had 2 campouts. A family campout...Keith joined us...and a Centennial Camp where it was just me and Kase. I enjoyed the time with Kase...but it was exhausting having 2 camping trips back to back. We had a fall festival with scouts and visited the firestation. The boys are getting lots of publicity by being in the newspaper. We went to trunk or treat at the school...and then Trick or Treated in our usual spots...except we only went to one subdivision which turned out to be plenty.

Missing Chelsea like crazy by nov. Really wanting to see my baby girl.Keith and I decidced to make our relationship work....so the kids would have both parents at home. We both have alot of anger, resentment, and hurt that we need to get past. We have decided to see a councelor...and see if that will help. Kids were excited that we were gonna try...but his family not so much. They kicked him out of his new house...and pretty much gave him an ultimatum of either them or me...and he chose ME!!! All I have ever wanted was for him to take a stand....and now that he has...I have to try with all my heart. I have to forgive quickly. I have to laugh more. I have to be more affectionate. I have to show him that I have loved him for 12 yrs...no matter the tears, the pain, the ugly words. I still loved him. He says he is different. He says he understands now...how I felt...why I chose to leave. He says he never allowed me to see how much he loved me...but that he isnt gonna hide it anymore. I hope this is true. Only time will tell. He tells me thank you, he says Im sorry, he says I love you....everyday. I sometimes get caught up in the 'why now' and 'why not when we were married' but I have learned that "better late than never" is a very true expression...and I am so happy to be hearing it now...I dont care about the past. I made a mistake...and had sex with someone I had been talking to for a couple of months. I cant say I was looking for it...but I was looking for the compassion and comfort that usually comes after. I do wish I could take it back....because I wasnt true to myself. I didnt want him. I only needed him to fill the void from Keith. I wanted Keith but couldnt have him....at least not the way I wanted him. I hurt Keith...not knowing that I would...I still did. I have always thought he cared because he felt obligated too....or because of the kids...I never thought he did because he loved me...or I would have pushed harder for US. I honestly didnt mean to hurt him. Yes we were divorced...yes I had every right to move on...if thats what I had chosen. I just should have either ended what he and I were holding on to....or I should have persued it. I hate to say...but I probably would have walked away from him...because that would have been so much easier due to the past pain and hurt. But instead....I chose my path...and instead of bringing a wedge between us...it brought us closer. How can this be? Is it true that if you love something...set it free...if it comes back...it was meant to be? We have had many long talks. Lots of crying. Lots of yelling. We are trying to communicate and understand each other. Its a step...its a baby step...but a step toward us forever. We had Thanksgiving at home. Keith and I both cooked. Ham, Brisket, mashed potaoes, mac and cheez, green bean casserole (made by KK), stuffing and rolls. Me and the kids made placemats for the table. :) Work has been really really slow since the hurricane.

Keith proposed to me (again) on Dec. 1st....of course...we had a little tiff before...but he didnt want Dec 1st to go by without us being engaged since we couldnt be married. I really would have married him...but I dont want to start off on the wrong foot. We have so many issues to work through before we can truly start over that I think it would be best to wait. I hate it though....this would have been year #11. WOW...its hard to believe! We have been have some good and bad days...still tryin to find our footing in the new 'US'. We are doing more together as a family....thats a little strange...but I am enjoying it. Kaitlyn had her first Middle School Band Concert. She is growing up so fast. We decided to start a new holiday tradition with the kids....Elf on the Shelf. We had one...RJ but kase decided to touch him on the very first morning he arrived...so he had to go back to the North Pole. Then Holley Noelle showed up 4 days later with a note letting them know that Santa was giving them only 1 more chance to not wake up with coal in their stocking. :) Things were a little better...for a while. Kids had Christmas parties...I worked my way between Kase and Cobys class...KK of course didnt do anything special...its part of getting older. Christmas holidays crazy....money is tight since Keith is having to help with childcare...(he still hasnt spoken to his parents)...so his hours are cut...I am just now getting back on track...but playing catch up. Keith stayed up with me on Christmas eve...wrapping presents...which was our 1st time doing this together....it was nice...something I will always remember and be thankful for. Christmas dinner...we cooked...Ham, mac and cheez, potatoes, rolls...simple...but what we all love to eat. Again...wow...this year has flown by...guess thats because it was jammed back with stuff going on. New Years...we just hung out at home. It was raining so we didnt bother with fireworks. We watched the ball drop in Times Square....and watched all the fireworks around that people were popping....GOOD-BYE 2012