Well its came to that time where Keith and I have decided that we are "officially" over. I know we have been apart for over a year...but we never really talked about actually not being a family again someday. He had asked us to try...and I thought we were going to....and go to counsceling....but he decided that he would rather move on. I am not going to lie...it was a shock! I even cried! But the reality to the situation is that we have so much anger between us that we cant get past it. We didnt get to try counsceling....but I am not sure that would have worked. I left because I was unhappy. I knew then that we could possible never be together again. I just forgot how much it hurt when you do come to the realization that its over!! I guess I just have been caught up with other things that I didnt realize we were headed down this path. I just want to raise my kids with love and compassion....and them have both parents. If that means we have to do it from seperate homes....then I guess that is the way it must be. I am scared though...not of being on my own...but because I am so far away from my family. I have to rely on him and his family to help with the kids, if anything happens to me...and I don't like that feeling. I have lots of friends who are great...but I can't put them out....3 kids is alot!! I still love him....LOVE was never the issue...it was that we are from two completely different up-bringings....and it has caused lots of resentment.
So now what? Well I think its time to go back to school. I think I am going to take this time to finish getting my RN degree. Right now I don't want to date or even think about meeting someone. I am lonely.....but I just want to take time to reflect and walk with the Lord and see which road he has paved for me. I am going to pick up extra shifts when I don't have the kids so I won't be home all the time...so that will help some. And then with school...I will really be busy with studying and earning that RN degree. I am looking forward to this next chapter in my life. I truely believe all things happen for a reason. Our lives are written before we are ever born. So for me this is another chapter closing in my life. A new one is waiting to open! :) I am ready to walk with the Lord and embrace what he has in store for me!
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